Stubborn mule I am, even when it is gonna come back and bite me in the ass and I know it. I am obsessive about ridiculous things, I am compulsive and I have to have repetition when I like something enough. I am ambivalent when it comes to ego boosting. I both want it, need it, demand it, and tel myself I can't have it, I don't deserve it. I look to hurt myself emotionally to justify self punishment. I have sadistic then masochistic cycles, not sexual whatsoever. I lose perspective easily when I try to focus on the perspective. I can get down out of envy, and stupid simple thins make me jealous and envious. I seem to like only how I can care about others, most of my other traits are not of my liking whatsoever. I am awkward. I deny myself many things I should not. I think too much and act too little. I deny myself the chance of happiness often. I find new sources for it and just as of late I don't ruin those... I am self destructive, I try to help it, but from a while to this moment I have lost the point to that. I forget ad remember it whimsically, and go back to denying myself.
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