Huh

I have not introduced myself properly. I know I sound very cocky and... well, I am. On the surface I am. Let's remove a few layers, then.

Stubborn mule I am, even when it is gonna come back and bite me in the ass and I know it. I am obsessive about ridiculous things, I am compulsive and I have to have repetition when I like something enough. I am ambivalent when it comes to ego boosting. I both want it, need it, demand it, and tel myself I can't have it, I don't deserve it. I look to hurt myself emotionally to justify self punishment. I have sadistic then masochistic cycles, not sexual whatsoever. I lose perspective easily when I try to focus on the perspective. I can get down out of envy, and stupid simple thins make me jealous and envious. I seem to like only how I can care about others, most of my other traits are not of my liking whatsoever. I am awkward. I deny myself many things I should not. I think too much and act too little. I deny myself the chance of happiness often. I find new sources for it and just as of late I don't ruin those... I am self destructive, I try to help it, but from a while to this moment I have lost the point to that. I forget ad remember it whimsically, and go back to denying myself.

I have been thinking

...yeah, believe it or not. Not about anything philosophically transcendent. Shit, this is the interbutts, not a classroom. It can be viewed in a classroom but you are so not into class you are slacking off. Good! Now, on to business. I am saying this carefully because now a days it's almost impossible to escape being called a furry fag, which I am not, nor I aspire to call a bizarre sexual fetish a "way of life". What I want to say is that thinking about scary creatures in the popular imaginary, it seems that almost everyone has a favorite. Right now it's effeminate sparkly angsty men who call themselves vampires, because "Impossibly perfect nonthreatening men who think like women and have no life of their own, so they make yours their only priority" is so fucking long. A while back it was emasculated vampires, and way before it was actual vampires. For brief glorious moments, others have enjoyed popularity: zombies, blobs, alien pods, werewolves, witches, dragons, mutated earthly creatures and a long "so on". I must say that I mean these creatures in their original, evil and terrible sense. Dragons in western culture were vile, disgusting, greedy creatures that should have been destroyed if possible. It was eastern influence that caused dragons to be seen as old and wise creatures. Witches, thanks to many many teen flicks and children comics became acceptable and lovable (Sabrina and Wendy, mainly) and as much as I love all forms of witches, I still prefer the evil, wicked, ill intentioned witch, whether it is the old hag or the seductive femme fatale. In many parts of the world people still believe witches are evil creatures that exists same as almost any other mythical monster. Why? it is very unlikely that you will ever witness the appearance of one of those elusive scary menaces, but the fact that they keep being "documented" and mentioned and fictionalized makes the presence of their threat be everywhere all the time. "I can't singlehandedly prove chupacabras are not real, and even though I have never encountered one, it could happen, according to a bunch of people who say they did" That is the bottom line. What I find to be, personally, not at all enough to be afraid of them. Not when at age 4, driven by the shear awesomeness of Ghost Busters viewed in a movie theater when it came out, decided I WANTED EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THE GHOSTS THAT APPEARED THERE AS PETS. At that age it is still a bit tricky to make a difference between fiction and reality, and many fantasy movies I saw were interpreted by me as documentaries. So even though I expressed many times I wanted a "big doggie" (the demon gargoyle) and a "weiner eater" (Slimy) as pets (and the Ghost Buster Mobile too, damn it) and as many times I was explained those were special effects made for a make believe story, I still wanted a ghost as a pet. I must have been the only kid in that theater, HELL, THE ONLY PERSON, to clap hands enthusiastically at every single spirit and mentally accommodate it in a specific place in my house. I wanted to see a real ghost afterward. I wanted SO BAD to be surprised by a ghost like the one in the library, I wanted to open the fridge and find a green blob munching processed meat. So I decided to hunt ghosts at home (where else, I was four) and my method was simple but (according to myself) infallible:

#1 Yell very hard "I DON'T BELIEVE IN GHOSTS"

#2 Immediately storm into a room to find a ghost who would prove me wrong.

As it failed all 372 times, I decided to make a slight change, and challenge the spirits:

#1 Yell very hard "I AM NOT AFRAID OF GHOSTS"

#2 Immediately storm into a room to find a ghost who would try and scare me.

...again to no avail. This as simple as might seem proved me undoubtedly that ghosts are pussies and don't exist. How can a thing not exist and be a pussy is something I only understood as a kid, but the core of this is, I stopped being afraid of scary monsters. I was later in exchange fascinated by other creatures, but again as mere characters, and the feature they all share is: they all have to do with animals (AGAIN, NO FURRY SHIZ, PLEASE) mermaids and lamias, animal controlling witches, fairies and pixies with insect wings, things like that. I simply stopped being afraid of humans. Not even vampires, not even the ones who become bats. Let alone dead people, either as ghosts or zombies. About things that DO scare me, we shall talk another day.